Free verse therapy
What's gotten into me?
Over the last little while, I've been gradually sinking into a bit of a depression, and I can't figure out why. Maybe it's the realization that I'll have to head back to Canada in just over three months. Maybe it's seeing everyone else at the dorms having better relationships - intimate and otherwise - while I sit alone. Before the new kids came, Andrew talked (jokingly) about not wanting to be forgotten. Strange that I feel it's me in the dust.
Nobody reads this blog, but I still feel the need to keep my guard up. I should just take off my armour and pour myself out onto the internets; what's the worst that could happen? Cheaper than couch therapy, leastways.
A strong need to change has washed over me a few times: my approach to studying Japanese, building confidence to talk with girls, throwing away my jester hat. I like to see others happy, but I'm not taken seriously when I'm at my low points like this.
My once-a-year meltdown. Funny that these past two have been in Kyoto. I've always got to make up some story about the death of an anonymous friend/family member to throw those nearby off the scent, to be left to my own devices while I mope about. What for? Am I depressed by the confusion of what's to come? I mean, living alone and going to school here haven't been THAT bad, and that's probably the most radical change I'll have to face in the next few years.
"What's wrong?"
I don't know. I never know. Why can't I find the balance I have when I'm happy-go-lucky? Sure, I don't have a chance with girls when I'm the goofy joke-dispenser, but at least I have a modicum of 'having-it-together'-ness".
Writing will be my therapy, I guess. My vision's already clearing up. Not sniffling. Breathing normally. Back to normal? Hardly, but it'll do.
I just need a proper pick-me-up. I don't want a random hook-up to boost the self-esteem, and avoiding pity tops out my priority list. I didn't go unnoticed when I went to check my email; Chiaki took a pretty accurate reading of my mood. Do I open up to her? I've given her an excuse over text, but she's still offering help. I know it's probably a canned line, but I can't help but feel the honesty in her words.
Ugh, I feel drained. I'll sleep on it and see where that leads me.
Over the last little while, I've been gradually sinking into a bit of a depression, and I can't figure out why. Maybe it's the realization that I'll have to head back to Canada in just over three months. Maybe it's seeing everyone else at the dorms having better relationships - intimate and otherwise - while I sit alone. Before the new kids came, Andrew talked (jokingly) about not wanting to be forgotten. Strange that I feel it's me in the dust.
Nobody reads this blog, but I still feel the need to keep my guard up. I should just take off my armour and pour myself out onto the internets; what's the worst that could happen? Cheaper than couch therapy, leastways.
A strong need to change has washed over me a few times: my approach to studying Japanese, building confidence to talk with girls, throwing away my jester hat. I like to see others happy, but I'm not taken seriously when I'm at my low points like this.
My once-a-year meltdown. Funny that these past two have been in Kyoto. I've always got to make up some story about the death of an anonymous friend/family member to throw those nearby off the scent, to be left to my own devices while I mope about. What for? Am I depressed by the confusion of what's to come? I mean, living alone and going to school here haven't been THAT bad, and that's probably the most radical change I'll have to face in the next few years.
"What's wrong?"
I don't know. I never know. Why can't I find the balance I have when I'm happy-go-lucky? Sure, I don't have a chance with girls when I'm the goofy joke-dispenser, but at least I have a modicum of 'having-it-together'-ness".
Writing will be my therapy, I guess. My vision's already clearing up. Not sniffling. Breathing normally. Back to normal? Hardly, but it'll do.
I just need a proper pick-me-up. I don't want a random hook-up to boost the self-esteem, and avoiding pity tops out my priority list. I didn't go unnoticed when I went to check my email; Chiaki took a pretty accurate reading of my mood. Do I open up to her? I've given her an excuse over text, but she's still offering help. I know it's probably a canned line, but I can't help but feel the honesty in her words.
Ugh, I feel drained. I'll sleep on it and see where that leads me.
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